The blessings of Ramadhan.
"Tomorrow is Ramadhan. I'm nervous." But I, who is a Muslim, who swear 'Lailahaillallah' everyday, who choose only Halal food to eat, who cover the aurah wherever I go, who never forget to perform my prayer - Of all these, as a creation of Allah have I already fulfilled the purpose of life?
Still, I watch drama and facebook more than I read the al-Quran. I always play around and laugh a lot. Those times, I easily forget Allah. I do useless things and waste my time a lot. And whenever I'm praised, I boast myself. Eventhough Allah is The One to be praised.
"Sesiapa yang melakukan sesuatu dosa, maka akan timbul di hatinya setitik hitam. Sekiranya dia bertaubat, maka akan terkikislah titik hitam itu daripada hatinya. Jika dia tidak bertaubat, maka titik hitam itu akan terus merebak hingga seluruh hatinya menjadi hitam"
Now I can hardly count how much have I stained my heart. If just I don't clean this heart...(sigh)
"Telah datang kepadamu bulan Ramadhan, bulan yang diberkahi. Allah mewajibkan kepadamu berpuasa di dalamnya. Pada bulan ini pintu-pintu Syurga dibuka, pintu-pintu Neraka ditutup dan syaitan dibelenggu. Terdapat juga pada bulan ini malam yang lebih baik daripada seribu bulan. Barang siapa tidak memperoleh kebaikannya, maka dia tidak memperoleh apa-apa."
(Hadis riwayat Ahmad & An-Nasa'i)
Thanks to Allah who gives this blessed month of Ramadhan. This Ramadhan, I want to purify my heart. I want to recover my mistake so that, I will be a better Muslim. From now on (azam), I will not lose to Satan and Nafs. I'll do my best! There might be no other chance, so this is it! I've waited for you, Ramadhan.
The flashback stopped.
One time a sister asked me why I was so excited and why I loved it so much. I think too many of us this time have their family routine of cooking and iftar parties and hours of prayers that make our legs hurt but that's it, no meaning.
But the feeling that this month brings, I can't even describe in words. I couldn't even tell you what my favourite part is because every moment, the feeling, the love, the unity, the fact that 3/4 of these people never show up at the masjid before - but who cares they're here now, and the barakah, sometimes I feel like literally the world changes. I couldn't even describe it words, it's something the heart recognizes and the heart yearns for. If I could have Ramadhan a year round, I totally would, because literally by the end its like your heart hurts sometimes because this month is leaving you already. Sobs.
But hey! It's not over yet! Ramadhan Kareem, friends :) Let's fight our nafs, let's struggle to win this! :)